stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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