I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
