Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
