Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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