I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My penis needs a shock collar
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
