Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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