he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
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I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.