I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
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Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.