quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be