dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
