Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
