who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
