it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
