She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
