Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Randomize
