he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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