Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
