You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
