you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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