I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
