Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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