She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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