Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
