He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
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Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
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the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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