he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
