I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
