GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Randomize
