I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
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It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
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Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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