I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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