quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Randomize
