my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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