I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize