I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
