i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
i believe in u and ur pee
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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