420 ftw
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Drunk is not a location!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
