moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
