your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
