somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I'm just crazy horny about you
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
