haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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