literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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