I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
