worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
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He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
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Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize