remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
