My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
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