I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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