420 ftw
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
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