I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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