It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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