i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
