You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
