This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
