Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
