How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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