I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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