I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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