I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
