I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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