every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I don't deserve a penis
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
