my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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