when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
