I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
