I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
