Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
he was CRYING into my vagina
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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