we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
