my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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