I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Randomize
