I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
