THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
