why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
