He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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