Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
